For a long time I've been obsessed with Super Heroes, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, you name it, I was a fan. I think their unrealistic abilities to right the wrongs and protect the innocent from injustice is what did it for me. Those factors plus their human-ness (although Superman is Kryptonian) made me think twice about judging people at face-value, you never know what hidden potential (or evil) a person has underneath their unassuming demeanor.
A lot of people have been trying to figure me out lately. I have been trying to figure ME out, so I don't blame them. I am not perfect, no one is, and I have never claimed to be. Islam is perfect, Muslims are not, and more and more over the past few months I have come to the' shocking realization' that some of us Muslims are even less than that.
Over the last few months I have seen and heard cases among Muslims of spousal abuse, child abuse, fraud, drug abuse and things that made my head spin and my heart ache. If my faith had not already been shaken to the core and revived, I may have had a relapse. I have been treated unfairly by friends who I was only helping for the sake of Allah, and although I try not to take things personally, I am only human afterall, not Super like Kal-El (Clark Kent) of the TV show 'Smallville'.
I'm aware of my obsession in activities in my life, one day during self defense class, the instructor was recalling incidents where she had to go help women against their abusive spouses. She said that if she had more people like her , she could really do a lot for Jamaica. In my mind, I pictured a JJL (Jamaican Justice League) of women in superhero costumes kicking criminal butt at night and protecting the weak and helpless. She only meant that she could have more classes teaching people how to defend themselves against attackers. Her Motto 'Preserving Life By Any Means Necessary', sounds like a Super Hero code of conduct to me :)
I realize that I have thought of marriage as 'someone saving me' , saving me from myself? saving me from loneliness? saving me from what? Maybe NOT being married is saving me from heartache? abuse? abandonment? . I used to say things like, when I'm married I'll do this, or I'll do that or the other. Wakeup call !!!!......married people are NOT all happy and living in a perfect little bubble, naively I expected it of Muslims, but its not always what it should be. Why should I wait to do all these things that I want to do ?, travel the world, start my own business and other things, why wait? I think I'll try to save me.
So now I am no longer looking for a Superhero-Super husband-Super bestfriend-Super Dad of my Super future kids and I am not trying to be Super Anything, I just have to try my best to be a good Muslim, knowing that I may fall along the way, but the getting back up, dusting myself off, making taubah (repentance), and trying to be better again, knowing that ALLAH (Subhana wa ta'ala) will forgive me once I am sincere, thats Super !.
An-Nawawi’s Hadith No.42
On the authority of Anas (Radhiallahu anhu), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah(Sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam) say:
Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.”
Related by at-Tirmidhi, who stated that it was a Hasan (fair) and Sahih (sound) Hadith.