Polygny thoughts - Did I mess it up?

A brother who was interested in marrying me over a year ago (it didnt happen), contacted me online today out of the blue. He asked how I was and what I was up to. I had a feeling he was married by now because I saw a pic on facebook, but anyway I didnt ask just yet. So we had a nice conversation, he has made Hijrah now and he asked if I was married. I'm not, so i told him so, and asked if he was. it turns out that he has been married now for a year and has a son, MashaAllah. But....he says he is thinking of having another wife, and wondered what I thought about that (implying me as being the new co-wife).

He says he doesnt know if his wife will accept it.

Now I know nothing is wrong with Polygny, but I tried to put myself in the other sister's shoes, as a new wife, only one year married, new baby, living in a new foreign country.....would I be excited about my husband taking another wife at this time? more than likely, NO, I would not be too thrilled. His reason is that he wants a big family (6 children) and she only wants to have three children. WHOA...I told him to be patient, maybe she would have more than three, and that I thought it was too soon for him to be thinking about another wife right now, and that she might not be too happy with the idea at this time. He thanked me for my advice and that was it.

Did I shoot myself in the foot, or did I do the right thing? I think he is a good Muslim MashaAllah, and Allah Subhana wa ta'ala knows best, so did I sabotage myself? Aaargh, I feel so confused, and today was going so well :-(

A New Leaf

After reading a very inspiring blogpost I decided to turn over a new leaf. I have deleted all unrelated males from my facebook friends list, and have decided to try to do some good deeds and dawah each and every day , no matter how small, InshaAllah.

I have been giving dawah to my co-workers , showing them dvds, sending them website links, sharing books and pamphlets, but I have gotten complacent. I think its a lack of patience on my end, it just seems incomprehensible to me how someone exposed to the facts of Islam could not just accept it. I use the word facts because persons who have been exposed to the media propoganda and lies as representation of Islam would be less inclined to do so. Then again, propaganda seems to make people want to know more and do their own research, well at least the open minded people anyway.

So I have decided to step up the dawah. I have classified my coworkers based on their personalities, understanding and knowledge so far.

The Agnostic - believes in God, but does not believe there is just one right religion. Also believes in Darwins theory of evolution, watches a lot of news and associates cultural practices with Islam, however is keen to ask about things pertaining to the religion as seen on tv or in the news. Has a strong personality and you have to have the facts straight up to deal with the questions. Willing to learn more about Islam.

The Preacher - Masters in theology (Christian Theology of course), filled with blind faith that the Bible is THE word of God, believes the Nicean council was inspired by God to make the changes to Christianity that they did, believes that unless we all accept Jesus (alaihi salaam) as the Son of God, and as God ,we will not be saved. Unwilling to discuss anything to the contrary, no matter how much logic is shown, but will listen when similarities between the Bible and Quran are discussed. Sometimes asks for the Islamic standpoint on various issues for comparison to the Christian standpoint and is more often than not, pleasantly surprised. 'Really????, you believe that tooooo?' :)

The Searcher - Searching for the truth, finding it, but pondering the ramifications of openly accepting it. Accepts that Muhammad (sallalahu alaihi wa salam) is the Messenger of God, Accepts that Jesus (alaihi salaam) was also just a Messenger of God, Accepts that the Quran is the Word of God...But unwilling to accept Islam..Yet. Has read extensively, found the flaws in the bible, discounts the trinity, but wonders if it is actually necessary to declare faith in Islam. Seems the most promising of the group so far InshaAllah and only time will tell.

The Researcher - Bordering on agnosticism, willing to hear all sides of the religious viewpoints. Acknowledges the errors in the bible, acknowledges the truth in the Quran, especially when shown the scientific facts. Unwilling to accept the 'rules' of Islam, has the mentality of , 'I cant follow so many rules, I just want to live life, I will find out the truth when I am dead'. Usually likes to find the facts by themself and will watch and read dawah material on Islam. Learns best by audio and video. Usually speaks up when someone says something negative about Islam and refutes them with some truthful facts Alhamdullilah. Second most promising of the group.

The Silent One - Her attitude is 'We can just follow what we feel is the truth from the bible and disregard the rest' . Will watch the videos and take the literature (not sure if she reads it though), but staunchly believes Christianity is the only way. Usually makes no comment on religious issues.

The method of dawah to each of them has to be different. I just want them to know all the facts and make an informed decision. I am not trying to convert them, that is not my job, only Allah can lead people to accept Islam. So instead of giving up on them as I was doing, or giving them all the same info at the same time, I will try a new individual approach based on their characteristics InshaAllah. May Allah (subhana wa ta ala) open their hearts and minds to the truth , Ameen.

How do they know my feelings?

For almost all of yesterday and today I have been feeling sad. A friend of mine called me and said she was wondering if I was ok, because she was getting some negative feelings about me...although she had not seen me the entire day, she said she could just feel it.

Another person who was around me for a bit asked if I was ok too, she said I was walking around in a 'cloud'. Another asked me repeatedly if I was ok, that was on the phone, maybe my voice gave it away? I don't know. Am I that close to the people around me that they can just feel when something is not right with me? I love them, they are concerned and I would be too if the shoe were on the other foot. In fact sometimes I get feelings like that too about my friends, I get a sinking feeling in my chest or my heart races and I think something has happened to them or they are going through something. I wonder if this is something instinctually built into us by Allah (Subhana wa ta'ala) ?

I'm not ready yet to share with them (or you) about what's been going on with me. I am just making dua to Allah to grant me what is best for me and make me content with whatever He has decreed for me Ameen.